My Night with Brad Pitt ...

It's was more than ten years ago. He was in Vegas filming "Kalifornia". Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought "What the hey! This is a good time as any to record this ..." So here we are, it's 2:17 AM, I have work in a few hours and insomnia now. Yahoo! Messenger is playing piped-in songs (which I play on the third sound bar so I don't wake up my roommate. I just popped a Benadryl to get drowsy, but in the meantime ...

I used to work cocktails at the world famous "Crazy Horse Too" (yes I knew Jenna Jameson when she was just getting started ...) Anyway, I had just started my 9 PM shift and it was still pretty dead. When you waitress, you need an angle to separate yourself from the riff raff -- mine was one-of-the-gang wit. My balls were big because I was a single Mom who kept her top on and they had to be.

So I go into the pool room and here is this dirty-blonde, long-haired non-descript fellow leaning over the pool table making a shot. He was hanging out with "Candy", who was this very nice, nymph-bodied ex-prostitute (the legal kind) from up North. Anyway, some strands fell to the side and I glimpsed these twinkling blue eyes underneath. I was entranced (I have this Irish fetish) and he had that look.

So balls-to-the-wall (what does that really mean anyway), I go up to him and pull the hair back from his forehead and say, "You know, if you cut some of this shit off, you'd look like that guy from 'Thelma and Louise'".

Then, he grins (you know the grin I'm talking about) and immediately this grimy, cute dude transforms into Brad Pitt (only he's the real one). Candy and him both crack up at my goof and he loved me from there on. I guess I passed the initiation into the club.

All night he bought drinks for me, Candy and all my friends and tipped properly. He was funny, smart and (and this is big news in a titty bar) not a pervert. I was really impressed. He and Juliet Lewis had just broke up and I think he was feeling a little lonely. Honestly, he reminded me of one of my brother's cute wrestling friends, who used to hang out after school. I really liked him.

The weird part was that all my friends (and sister) were not impressed with him. Sure they'd take the drink, but they couldn't seem to get past the long, greasy hair. I don't think they completely grasped the full implication that they were privy to greatness that night. Now they could kick themselves for being so prejudiced, but that night, it was only Candy and I that really got it.

I'll read quotes about him from time to time and it seems that somehow he has managed to keep his great qualities throughout all the chaos. He is truly remarkable. And you know how everyone wants to bone him, I think they objectify him too much. I think if you really met him, you'd most likely ask him to crash on your couch and have your Mom make him breakfast. He's that kind of dude. Cheers to you, Mate.